Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
