I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A bitchslap is in order.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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