watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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