I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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