I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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