just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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