The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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