The maid of honor just puked.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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