He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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