I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
