1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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