girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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