I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
