do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
