Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
