i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
