Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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