she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
