Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
