Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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