I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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