I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
