Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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