I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
