every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
