That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
