i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
