I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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