can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
