So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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