Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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