Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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