I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
