got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
