It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize