i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
