from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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