I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
