I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
