I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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