These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
