i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
