Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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