My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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