hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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