My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
