she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
