i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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