I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
