Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
