You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
