and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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