He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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