I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
