Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am one with the molecules
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
