Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize