Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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