I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
