Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
