She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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