I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
