Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
