The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
