Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
