every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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