I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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