Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
