I bet he comes in French.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize