My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
