real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
