i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
