Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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