I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome