Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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