we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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