Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.