I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol