dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
