Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
